I have been very depressed tonight but I don’t know why. I had a wonderful day that was spent a little out and a little in, then topped off with a fun baseball game designed for 8-year-olds. I watched a movie with my husband, decluttered our bedroom a little and got some adult time since Noah went off with Nana for a few (okay, six) hours.

So why am I depressed? I know that I am overwhelmed by a lot of things right now. I also know that I am driven to do so much to the apartment and whatnot but it’s four in the morning so I can’t. I know that my sleeping schedule has been thrown off yet again so I am not asleep by midnight which really knocks me on my butt in the emotion department. I know that I am stressed out and yet none of this explains the suddenly overpowering depression that has come over me tonight. I am not a depressed person! I am normally pretty positive. I have an optimistic outlook on life. I look for the good in people and situations and while I may lose my head in a stressful situation, I usually come out on top because I chill out and figure it out.

Just…tonight, I’m wallowing. I’m frustrated. I’m at a complete loss at where to go from here. What to do. I feel torn by a decision I have to make very soon where the practical decision has more cons than the impractical (yet preferred) decision. I miss my mother. I miss my family. I miss the sunlight.

I hope I’m just tired and that after I click post I’ll be able to go to sleep. I hope that God makes tomorrow a bright day (I would have said brighter but today really was wonderful) to cheer me up. I hope that I let him. Oy, goodnight.