Before, when I couldn’t write, it was because I had nothing to say. I mean, how many times do I say “I woke up, I ate, I got on the computer, I cleaned, I cooked, I went to bed” without it becoming rote? Even if I splash a little detail in there.

Now, I have so much to say that I don’t know where to start! I’m also terrible at writing anecdotes and remembering things that aren’t written as “and then, and then, and then” statements.

But, I’m going to attempt, since if I don’t I’ll beat myself up for it later. Here goes:

We are moving in less than two weeks. It’s here: Crunch Time. We’re frantically packing, even though we *tried* to be prepared and pack ahead of time and get whatever we could done. We’re cramming visits – tomorrow some friends from Atlanta are coming down and then we’re having dinner with Joshua’s mom and siblings (Sarah and Scot are coming up from Florida), then we need to make another visit out to Joshua’s Grandmommy. Not to mention we need to pack the rest of our apartment and clean so we can cheerfully hand over the keys next Thursday. (Oh. my. God. Next Thursday. Holy cow.)

Thankfully, we’ve spent a lot of time with Joshua’s parents this past week. The yard sale was Friday and Saturday so we went over Wednesday to help set up and pick Noah up after a Nana Playdate, and then went back Thursday to finish setting up and spend the night. We didn’t get home until Sunday morning. Noah had a blast the entire time as he played outside on the plasma cars and rough-housed with his uncles. The poor boy has two skinned knees, two skinned elbows and bug bites. He was so covered in dirt Friday that I had to hop in the tub with him to get him clean enough.

Oh, yes, for some reason Noah stopped taking baths alone. He promptly freaks out and tries to climb out of the tub. It does seem to be getting better, thankfully, as the last time I gave him a bath (yesterday), he continued to play even after I got out. Phew!

He’s such a character though, seriously. Last Thursday, we were outside and he was calling for “Daddy” and I said “Josh!” to get Joshua’s attention. Noah grins and starts saying “Josh! Josh! Jooosh!” over and over. We figured it was just a one-time thing, or maybe he thought it meant “come here!” but Joshua did something later – I can’t remember what – and Noah goes “Jooosh…” like he’s scolding him. Goofball.

He’s also saying two word sentences which is just awesome. He looooves avocado which is great for his anemia and he’s been doing better about getting food and drinking juice.

I really do get this stuff written down, I swear, but Twitter and Livejournal are so easy because I don’t feel like I have to be coherent or put effort into writing a full entry. That, and LJ is for certain eyes only. ;-)

Well, I think I’ve successfully written an entry. It may be all over the place and badly written but I’m calling it good, for now.

Three years ago today I said “I do” to the only man in the world that can set loose butterflies in my tummy, make my knees weak and bring a smile to my face just by smiling at me. It’s because of him that I have known the joy of friendship, the joy of marriage and the joy of motherhood. He’s the father of my child, the keeper of my heart and most of all, he is my soul mate.

We’ve had our rough patches but I realized long ago that I can only get passionately angry at someone that I love passionately. I hope that passion extends forever.

—

I love you, Joshua. Thank you for doing me the honor of being my husband. I am proud to claim you and call myself your wife.

I don’t want to be famous online. I don’t want to be a mommy blogger (but I do want to be a mommy and I do want to be a blogger).

For those that don’t know me, that is huge. For the last several years, I think I’ve wanted a site that received multiple comments daily and some sort of recognition and I wanted to be one of the “in crowd” at Blogher and then when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to be a wealth of information to other mothers and women and just people in general.

But now…I kind of wish I had embraced anonymity a little more. I’d like to be brutally honest with you myself. For once in my life, I would like to accept who I am and try to work through the muddle in my brain, not the muddle of parenting drama and snark communities and everything that goes with it.

The internet is not that forgiving. I can’t suddenly wipe my site and expect everyone to forget who I am. Besides, while that would be quite lovely, I’m a little sad at the thought that I might mean that little to people I’ve never met. Obviously, I have a complex.

I don’t regret the entries on this site. I’m sure they will continue, actually, because logging my life is of vital importance to me so that one day when I’m old and feeble and can barely remember my name I can read about some twenty-something chick who dotes on her husband and son and wonder what the hell is wrong with her. Or very very right.

It really breaks my heart whenever I brush Noah’s teeth. We’ve added other brushings so that he gets his teeth brushed in the morning, before naptime and before bed. I’d like to add more eventually but first, I’m trying to teach him that it’s really not that bad. You see, whenever I go to brush his teeth, he screams and screams and screams. Not tantrum-like “I don’t want this” screams but truly tearjerking, “please stop please stop please stop” screams. Lately he’s even learned to use his words when he’s mad so it’s become a repeat of “nonononononono” as loudly as he can while I try to make sure I get every tooth properly brushed off.

Some people tell me just to let it go. Not brush his teeth until he’s old enough to be reasoned with and I wish I could do this. If he wasn’t predisposed to cavities and if he was nightweaned, I might let it go if he’s having a particularly rough night, like tonight. Unfortunately, he IS prediposed to cavities and he ISN’T nightweaned. He’s already had two difficult procedures done and I will do whatever I can to prevent another.

I just can’t help the thoughts that come to my mind when I’m brushing his teeth. Is he traumatized from his experiences with the dentist? Does he think I’m betraying him? Can he possibly understand that this is for his own good and that I don’t get any pleasure from forcing this on him?

Right now, I feel like both the best mother in the world and the worst. I reassure myself that I’m doing the right thing but it is so difficult. *sigh* I did let him “brush” my teeth earlier and it was so hilarious to him that I might be able to work something out where he brushes mine as I brush his. If that doesn’t work, I’m liable to break down in tears tomorrow morning.

Oh, and as an aside, we bought Sensodyne toothpaste today. I’m already noticing a difference so I hope it will help my teeth as far as brushing goes.

I feel like I was productive today. Admittedly, Joshua has been more successful with moving preparations in regards to packing than I have. I’ve done more of the laundry, cooking and groceries part. I also try to take Noah out for a large portion of every day since we’ve kind of taken away his playroom and the weather has just been so nice and accommodating for us that its been hard to resist.

Today, however, I went to the dentist (I’m starting to feel like I’m always in that chair one way or another) and had my tooth filled. I was a nervous wreck last night and this morning and I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up or both while waiting in the office for my name to be called. The dentist did an excellent job on my tooth though, as far as I can tell. You can’t even really tell there was ever an issue with that tooth, much less one that almost made me lose a prominent front tooth. I do have to admit that I love Hoobastank for the assistance though. The drilling really gets to me so I turned the music up as loudly as I could stand it and thought about everything but the work the dentist was doing. Unfortunately, there is still so much more than needs to be done and as soon as we have the money or insurance (or both), I will be. Yuck. I think there’s two extractions and two root canals with crowns in there somewhere…not to mention a dozen or so fillings. *sigh* And Dr. P’s office tried to say it wasn’t genetic!

Whatever. Afterwards, we went over to Shannon’s house and I looked through a ton of clothes she had set aside out of Joe’s closet. We have clothes for Noah from 3T through size 6; mostly play and house stuff but it’s all nice and I’m relieved to have them. It’s one thing to buy a few quality pieces for nicer events but it’s quite another to try to outfit an entire wardrobe for a boy that grows in feet, not inches (I’m not sure I’m exaggerating). There was quite a lot to go through, have I said that before?

I also went through all of the boxes in their storage closet. I wiped out our wedding box – stuff either went into the yard sale pile or the trash bin and I saved a whole ziploc baggy worth of items (Dad’s candle, a couple of bells, a picture, a piece of my dress and two small flowers). Joshua and I kept our Bride/Groom champagne flutes and my wedding bouquet (that I made) but those are always on display. I felt really good about paring down because I know three years ago I couldn’t have done it. Now, I just want what we do keep to matter to me, not to the story they might hold some day.

There were quite a few boxes that needed to be consolidated or weeded through and we did that. We have a decently sized stack of boxes in there still, along with our coats and luggage, but they are all packed and ready to be loaded into the moving van. I’m grateful that my in-laws are so generous with their storage space. I wish I had decluttered a lot sooner but I don’t think I was really ready until more recently. This move certainly kicked my butt into gear as far as keeping stuff on hand goes.

So that’s our day. Joshua, Noah and I got home, ate chili (using our pantry stores) and watched Bewitched. Noah took a two hour nap, played in his playroom and finally crashed around 1 AM (mostly because he had such a late nap today since he refuses to sleep at Shannon’s house).

I’m happy. I feel like this move is sanctioned by God for multiple reasons. I’m excited to see my family, to get back on our feet and to get into a new place. One more month!