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Mother’s Day Gift
When I created this blog, I thought I would write about our journey to pregnancy (among other things). I felt broken, and being infertile was one of my greatest fears, but today…on Mother’s Day no less, I was given a gift that I will never forget.
I’m amazed at how easy the idea of being pregnant comes to me - I thought that motherhood would be something alien, something I’d have to adjust to - and it is, in a way. I haven’t had a baby in my home for years. I have to re-learn everything, and in some ways, I have to learn some stuff for the first time because being a mother is far different than being a sister, or a guardian. Far, far different.
It’s magical, almost, this little secret I have inside of me. Even though we have gladly told all of those close to us, I can go out in public and people don’t get to know just yet. I can’t wait until my tummy shows the life growing inside of me - of course I can’t - but in the meantime, this little secret makes me smile. I put my hand to my belly and I know that there is life and this amazes me in so many ways. The miracles God can create - anyone that has ever asked to see a miracle needs only to look at an expecting mother. How is that not a miracle? I know of no one else that can truly create life in this special way.
We’ve been disappointed before - thankfully not miscarriages (and that, right now, is one of my greatest fears) but so many negative pregnancy tests and so many delayed periods wreaking havoc with our minds - but this time, we were surprised with this miraculous gift. We weren’t officially trying, but we knew we’d be happy when it happened, and we really are. It’s cute to see Joshua whooping in the car and kissing my tummy. He’s so thrilled, and being a father will come so naturally to him. I’m not surprised this happened now though, and not before, because before I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t ready, entirely, to give myself up to God’s plan and the life he would want for me. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a mother, or that I wanted to close some doors that, once closed, could never be reopened.
The thing is…this time…I knew that I wanted the test to be positive. I was bargaining with God in a way that I knew would probably be futile, and telling him that though I wanted his will, I was so hoping that a baby would be his will. Granted, at any moment, this could change…I know this. It terrifies me, but at the same time, I remind myself to simply have faith. God will deliver this child if he wills it.
We’re probably around six weeks along…I’ll be going to a doctor asap to have everything checked out and make sure we’re doing okay. I’m so thrilled that the calm I feel right now is kind of unexpected - I haven’t been calm all day!
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there…I hope you don’t mind me joining the ranks!
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May 14th, 2007 at 6:09 am
I love you. Thank you for this amazing time together… you, me, and our little growing one. You amaze me. Happy Mother’s Day…
May 14th, 2007 at 8:33 am
A big hug and congratulations. Welcome to the pregnant lady club
I wish you strength as you go through the first trimester and all its adjustments.
I wish you awe and merriment as you go through 2nd trimester…and then I wish you happiness and serenity as you go through 3rd trimester! Its an unforgettable journey - I’m not even done yet but I’m so glad i’m here!
May 14th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that everything goes smoothly for you, and eight and half or so months from now you’re holding a baby in your arms.
May 14th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Welcome to the club! What wonderful news!
May 15th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
OMG!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!
May 11th, 2008 at 4:07 am
[…] apart every year, but it doesn’t really matter. Today is the anniversary of when Joshua and I found out we were pregnant. I can hardly believe that an entire year has sped by…that I was pregnant for so much of it […]