Yeah, that’s the extent of my content right there. I’m still suffering New Mommy Short On Time Syndrome.

I love babywearing. It is one of my favorite parts of parenting - holding my baby close to me without wearing out my arms or my back. There are many types of slings: pouches, soft-structured carriers, wraps, mei tais…the list goes on. However, I truly believe that one of the best ways to get into it is a ring sling. Ring slings as a whole have a short learning curve and there are tons of tutorials on the internet on how to thread/use one, and there are a multitude of carries you can do (tummy-to-tummy, hip, back, cradle, etc.) without too much trouble.

I spent a lot of my pregnancy looking up carriers. I searched product reviews, read blogs, and lurked on TBW constantly. The conclusion I kept coming to was that I wanted to try a Maya Wrap sling, and oh am I so so glad I did.

It was great! The sling was made of a wonderful fabric that felt sturdy and supportive for my son, who was born at a whopping 9 pounds 8 ounces, and I used it comfortably until he was 4 months old (20 or so pounds). I could have used it for longer with ease, and only sold it because I’m a short, petite gal and the Medium size left me with a tail at my calves. *weeps* A small, on the other hand, would have been perfect. I’d gotten a Medium so my (tall) husband could use it too.

Maya Wrap’s colorgrown cotton is a natural, amazing shade that went with everything I wore. The rings they use are sturdy - not once did I ever feel like my son’s safety was in jeopardy. The lightly padded shoulder was great for a beginner like me, because it helped me adjust to a one-shouldered carry (which can seem quite daunting, especially for those with bigger kidlets).

The only downside to this sling was that I couldn’t fit it in my smaller diaper bag. I had to carry around a tote specifically for it, which isn’t really bad because every hard working carrier deserves its own special home.

Oh, and I can’t forget the pocket that Maya Wrap includes on the tail. This pocket holds keys, diapers, cell phones, wipes…whatever you need to take for a short (or long) walk. It saved me from having to lug around a diaper bag on occasion, which I was definitely grateful for.

If you are considering carrying your baby, do! And if you are considering a ring sling but don’t want to invest too much money for a quality sling, definitely give Maya Wrap a shot. I highly doubt you’ll regret it.

Noah will be 4 months old tomorrow and every time I hold him, I realize how big he has grown. At first, I felt I never had a small baby, but in hindsight I realized that I really did. I compare his older pictures to now and I see such a huge difference in size, development, milestones and growth. He is such a healthy, happy baby…smiles and laughs are abundant in our household. I have been given exactly what I prayed for.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. You are amazing, whether you know it or not.

You are two months old. I want to say I can’t believe it, because I’m so used to saying it, but I really can. This past month has been full of milestones for you - cooing, smiling, “talking” and mimicking. You have incredible head control, though you always have, and your legs are so strong that I expect you to get up and start running any day now! You have amazed us with your hand-to-eye coordination, because you bring your hand up to your mouth so easily, and you can find my nipple through my clothes without any problems (granted, you can find your daddy’s too, but his aren’t quite as yummy for you, I promise).

At first, you weren’t too thrilled with diaper changes but now you just look up at me with gorgeous blue-grey eyes and grin. Sometimes it looks like you’re contemplating a game of Fireman, but I’m thankful every time you decide against it. You are a snuggle-bug who loves to sleep on my chest and by my side, and you’re usually pretty good about letting me sleep through nursings (actually, you’re pretty good about sleeping through nursings yourself).

It saddens me that you’ve been sick the last few days and it seems like you have your first cold, but you will get better. Daddy and I don’t mind holding you as much as you need, little man, until you are all better. Hopefully today’s doctor appointment will yield good news and it’s just something mild. I hate seeing you sick, and having to use the aspirator yesterday the way we did kind of shook us up.

It thrills me that you enjoy books and stimulation - you don’t really get bored easily, but you spend a lot of time concentrating on faces and objects in front of you. It seems you notice detail - you’ve certainly figured out that sticking your tongue out will make me stick mine out, and you knew within seconds that kicking the toy on your bouncy will make it start again. You’re so keen to notice when Daddy or I are in the room and you’ve learned our voices apart from everyone else.

Right now we’ve been reading Richard Scarry’s “Please and Thank You Book” and you spend the entire time cooing, smiling and talking back to the book. I do hope you’ll be a bookworm like us, my baby love.

You and your father are my life, my world, my heart. Seeing the two of you together heals me in a way that nothing in this world ever has. Thank you for being such a perfect, wonderful boy. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to love you, because I do.

Joshua and I don’t entirely agree with our pediatrician on vaccines. We do want to vax, but not quite the same way she wants us to, and she has a knack for trying to guilt us into it. We’re firm on our position (or else we wouldn’t hold one) but I’m not looking forward to any possible argument. Hopefully she will understand when I tell her what I’ve researched and learned and just how we feel overall. Perhaps giving her our own, modified, vax schedule will mollify her a bit.

I do love how pro-breastfeeding she is though. She has had some excellent advice, even though it was stuff I knew from reading Kellymom, and she agrees with the AAP on the minimum of one year/delayed solids. That makes my job a little easier when the time comes to discuss extended nursing (I use the term discuss loosely) and makes me feel like I have somewhere to go to if we need help. Thankfully we haven’t run into many problems so far.

I’m hungry and a little tired, so I am going to go veg out on some online communities for a quick break while Noah sleeps. 5 AM - yeesh.

New pictures are uploaded to my “nursing” Flickr set to go with my new LJ icon. I used to go months without changing it but now I keep having new things to put up! Noah spent most of today attached to me (in fact, he just barely let me put him in his swing about 20 minutes ago so I could get a short break) and at one point, there was good enough lighting that I asked Joshua to bring me the camera. These are, quite literally, just snapshots…but I love the way they turned out.

Every day is an experience of its own. I never imagined that an infant could have such personality, but he does, he really does. One of my favorite times of each day is right after we wake up, when he’s snuggled up against me eating…and then right after that, when we’re spending some time “talking” together. He started smiling a couple of weeks ago, and he likes to talk back to me. He also loves it when I stick my tongue out at him because he’ll smile and stick his out at me (or try to, because he tends to not get it much farther than his lips).

I wish I could write more about these days but I spend so much time either working (and taking care of him) or holding him. At the same time, I rather be experiencing his life than sitting at a computer writing about it. I can do the writing later, right?

Joshua and I are getting a rhythm down, too. We’re able to clean, work, take care of Noah and play Rappelz (for the most part). We’ve also learned how to find a little bit of time in each day for us to ‘enjoy’ each other. I never knew how much I needed that part of our marriage until recently, but God knows I do.

I am trying to read my Bible again. It has been so long since I picked it up (once in the past six months or so, and that was for a funeral where it went unopened) but having Noah, I feel like I need God in my life again. The difference this time is that the feeling isn’t going away, like it usually does.

Mom is coming to visit with my stepdad and brother in exactly two weeks. I am bursting with excitement! I never knew I could be this happy and content, but with my husband and my son, how could I be anything else? Mom is just the icing on the cake.

*sighs happily*

ETA: Also posted baby smiles. =)

Not that I really mind, because he is the easiest baby in the world to hold when he isn’t kicking off groinal areas.

I really intended to wait to write in here until I could get Noah’s birth story posted, as I thought there was nothing more apt than having his birth story be the beginning of this blog’s own rebirth. The thing is, it is really long…longer than I could have imagined possible…so I want to write a shorter version for actually posting. And truth be told, I might not find time to do that until Noah is six months old (or I could find time today, who knows?).

He is a month old today…where does the time go? The only thing I know how to do is try to preserve every memory…and thank God that I am not doing this on my own. Joshua has been invaluable throughout labor, delivery and our short experience with parenthood.

It also angers me, because I wanted so badly to write more about this pregnancy. I will be 25 weeks pregnant tomorrow and all I have written is that he is a boy, he is healthy and his name is Noah. I have not written about how beautiful being pregnant is, or how much I love feeling life growing inside of me. I have not written what it was like when I first felt him move, or how fascinating (on so many different levels) it is to watch my abdomen ripple when he’s restless. I have not written about how much I so want to keep him inside me because I don’t know how I can protect him on the outside, and yet how much I want to meet this little boy that has stolen my heart without ever really meeting.

I’m scared to write about it, because I don’t want him to be sixteen and reading these entries and thinking his mother is stupid - even though he will anyway, because that’s what teenage boys do, right? I’m scared to write that I have no idea what I’m doing because of all the looming threats that hang over our heads now as parents and guardians. Besides, I do know what I’m doing - it’s the parenting part that has me wondering (as I said to a friend) who makes this stuff up. A child will be dependent on me.

Me? A mother? Caregiver, yes. A mother…a mother is so much more. He is dependent on me on a physical level right now - what I eat, he eats and my body is a protective shield around his tiny, growing body. After he is born, though, he will be dependent on me for comfort, love, advice…protection. How can I keep the world from hurting him? From twisting the sweet, gentle boy I know he could be? It’s no secret the world is a harsh place, and I have to wonder if it’s selfish of me to have wanted so badly to bring a child into this world.

I don’t believe it is though, because at least by giving him life and a chance to live, he gets to see the beauty of the world that God created with all of its perfect imperfections…he gets to experience love and one day, maybe, the gift of fatherhood. I am looking forward to seeing his face light up with surprise and glee when he sees something that makes him happy and I am looking forward to kissing his boo-boos to make the pain go away (with the obligatory bandaid, of course) and just everything that I will (hopefully) get to experience as his mother.

It’s amazing what his little kicks can make me feel. How strong I now know I am, because my body is capable of growing and sustaining life, and soon, delivering it. It is amazing, the strength he gives me and our marriage and how easily he wipes away any apprehensive thoughts I have about losing my “freedom” because holding our son between us is so much more important to me than rushing out to the store at three in the morning (which I’m sure will happen, but not for the same reasons).

No one told me how much I would love being pregnant. For that matter, no one really told me anything about being pregnant except that they hated being huge in the summer, and delivery was painful (duh). I really do, though. Feeling movement is so amazing to me, even though I once thought I’d feel akward about there being movement inside of me *other* than normal bodily functions. I even considered babies to be somewhat akin to parasites (though I suppose in a way, they are, it’s more of a symbiotic relationship because I couldn’t live without this child anyway).

I’m…rambling. I want to write more coherant thoughts, but I felt like posting somewhere. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do better.

I’m amazed at how easy the idea of being pregnant comes to me - I thought that motherhood would be something alien, something I’d have to adjust to - and it is, in a way. I haven’t had a baby in my home for years. I have to re-learn everything, and in some ways, I have to learn some stuff for the first time because being a mother is far different than being a sister, or a guardian. Far, far different.

It’s magical, almost, this little secret I have inside of me. Even though we have gladly told all of those close to us, I can go out in public and people don’t get to know just yet. I can’t wait until my tummy shows the life growing inside of me - of course I can’t - but in the meantime, this little secret makes me smile. I put my hand to my belly and I know that there is life and this amazes me in so many ways. The miracles God can create - anyone that has ever asked to see a miracle needs only to look at an expecting mother. How is that not a miracle? I know of no one else that can truly create life in this special way.

We’ve been disappointed before - thankfully not miscarriages (and that, right now, is one of my greatest fears) but so many negative pregnancy tests and so many delayed periods wreaking havoc with our minds - but this time, we were surprised with this miraculous gift. We weren’t officially trying, but we knew we’d be happy when it happened, and we really are. It’s cute to see Joshua whooping in the car and kissing my tummy. He’s so thrilled, and being a father will come so naturally to him. I’m not surprised this happened now though, and not before, because before I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t ready, entirely, to give myself up to God’s plan and the life he would want for me. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a mother, or that I wanted to close some doors that, once closed, could never be reopened.

The thing is…this time…I knew that I wanted the test to be positive. I was bargaining with God in a way that I knew would probably be futile, and telling him that though I wanted his will, I was so hoping that a baby would be his will. Granted, at any moment, this could change…I know this. It terrifies me, but at the same time, I remind myself to simply have faith. God will deliver this child if he wills it.

We’re probably around six weeks along…I’ll be going to a doctor asap to have everything checked out and make sure we’re doing okay. I’m so thrilled that the calm I feel right now is kind of unexpected - I haven’t been calm all day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there…I hope you don’t mind me joining the ranks!