You see the little kitten in this picture? That’s Omega, shortly before I adopted him, back when he went by the simple name of “Cookie Monster”. He wasn’t that little for very long…

He quickly grew into a panther and became quite the bug stalker. This picture is from December 2004, almost exactly six months after I adopted him. I was going through a really rough time in my life. Even though I had met Joshua by now and I had welcomed God into my life, I was still a very lonely girl. Joshua was hundreds of miles away and God was still so new to me. I didn’t yet realize my self worth as a human being and I spent a lot of time snuggled in bed with Omega while reading books. I was constantly trying to escape reality back then but Omega…he was the tangible proof that I was loved.

He moved with me, like a trooper, all the way to Georgia. I remember taking him on the plane and spending $70 on a Sherpa carrier just so he would be “airline friendly”. He meowed for most of the flight (thankfully, to most passengers’ amusement, not annoyance) and ended up peeing all over me before I got in my father-in-law’s truck. He was the source of awe for many people who had never seen an 18 pound cat before (then again, he was a source of amazement, period).

He was a good big brother to Kibou, the kitten we adopted when Joshua’s sister moved away. Kibou got rehomed too, but he lives with Joshua’s parents with the freedom to be the big bad kitty he wanted to be (and he learned to stop chewing on power cords).

When the time came to let him go, to give him a new home with people who could give him attention and let him be The Baby (and not be allergic to him, like I was)…I was crushed. Heartbroken. Every second that A was here, I wanted to scream “NO! He’s mine!” and clutch him away to the bedroom where I could keep him forever. But I didn’t, and he liked her, this feline that was so scared of strangers. He sidled right up to her and started purring, that traitor.

But I knew they would get along.

Yet, he was my comfort and joy and hope through so many periods of unrest and confusion. I will know so many loves and I will care for so many animals. I have my Joshua and my Noah and my life is complete but that will never change how much I miss Omega. How much I hope he’s okay. How much I love him.

Because oh God, how I love him.

Some people laugh at me when I cry over him. Some people laugh when I say that I miss him. “He’s just a cat,” they scoff. They don’t realize that he was my cat.

I still have A’s number in my phone. Sometimes, when I’m wondering how he’s doing and I wonder if he’s okay, I get temped to call…but I never will. I’m afraid that if I do call, if I do and she answers, she’ll hang up on me or have bad news for me or worse, it won’t be her number anymore. I find comfort in the fact that she was a lot like me – a girl who needed a friend – and I think, how perfect is that?

So I’ll never call…but I’ll always love him and I’ll never forget.

She’s about 10 months old now and she’s very sick. We suspect it’s some kind of uterine infection but when I took her to the vet, he disagreed and prescribed antibiotics. To be truthful, I hope we’re wrong and he’s right. I hope the antibiotics work, because I definitely bonded with her today as I took her to the vet and she looked to me for protection and comfort. Joshua is the one who always plays with the rats, feeds them, cleans their cages, etc. I’ve been a little afraid of them since Pixel bit my finger almost to the bone (yes, they are fully capable of doing so, but tamed rats usually will not).

But that doesn’t mean I want Tera gone. She looks so little and so scared. I see her huddled up, all by herself in quarantine, and I wish I could talk to her the way I do to people and just reassure her that even if she doesn’t make it, I will be there for her until the very end…but that I will do whatever I can to make sure she gets better.

If I’m silly for carrying for a little rat, so be it.

I’m re-reading Memoirs of a Geisha. It’s such a good book… full of emotion and wonderful language and interesting stories. I really get wrapped up in Sayuri’s story and thoughts. I find it so silly that I spent so long avoiding this book because I thought it wasn’t my type but I was so wrong. If you are interested in Japan, geisha, or memoirs, definitely consider reading it.

Anyway, Nublet has done really well today. Usually he has a hard time letting me leave the room but he played with his dad the entire time I was at my appointment. Apparently he didn’t even want to be in the playroom at first…just wanted to cuddle daddy. That’s my boy!

We got to see his Nana at Burger King today too, where she treated us to lunch. (Thanks Nana!) This kid loooves fries. Do NOT get between him and his fries! He’s also really big on feeding people right now so he kept sticking his finger in the zesty sauce and then sticking it in her mouth. Mmm, slimy sweet.

The darn cat is outside howling again. Our neighborhood stray has been outside of our window for days, howling for…something. He usually has a gray play mate running around with him but I haven’t seen her around for a few while (but Joshua says he has, so I’m not worried.) His howls sound so much like Omega’s that it really breaks my heart…I can’t believe that so much time has gone by since we rehomed him.

However, Joshua and I agreed that I don’t get to pick cats to like anymore. With the exception of Kibou, they’ve all been loud talkers. I have a particular fondness for this orange tabby and of course, he ends up being a Howler, just like Omega. It’s just my luck.